I've recently been reading a book called Understanding Your Grief with intentions of learning to do just that. This post is in reference to the accompanying journal and what I've discovered from the very first statement within it. Nothing else within the journal has proven to be as profound for me.
The journal that accompanies follows each chapter with questions that are meant to help process through grief in a very personalized way. Which means, the questions are very vague and are meant to help pull out from within what one might not have necessarily known was there.
Before I began reading the associated questions of chapter one I noticed there was a pre-questions "question". It read:
"Before you begin your journey into this journal experience, please take a few minutes to reflect on where you see yourself right now at this moment in time..."
After reading it I thought to myself, "What a stupid and vague question. What does he mean "where"?" The statement made me frustrated so I moved on to the next page to see if it was any better. I stopped mid-sentence and looked back at the previous page with those seemingly useless words. I decided to reread it but this time with a more openness. Then after the three periods of pause following the word "time" I hesitantly closed my eyes and tried to visualize "where" I felt I was right then.
I was surprised to slowly see myself appear in the middle of this vast and deep lake. The waters were rocky and difficult to stay afloat in. The sky was gray and unfriendly with looming storm clouds. I couldn't see land or anything save for the sky and the immediate crashing waves.
I thought to myself, as I imagined where I was, "Why hasn't anyone come to rescue me yet? Doesn't anyone know I'm out here, that I need help? How am I supposed to make it? "
The above was my response to what was asked of me. I wrote it down and once I reached the end, I realized that there was more. So I closed my eyes again and let it all unfold.
I was alone in the water knowing no one was on their way to rescue me. Somehow I knew that people were aware that I was out in dangerous waters, but they would not come. As I fought to stay afloat they sat in their homes pondering how I was doing. From one, "Well, I hope she makes it alright." From another, "I wish I could help." "I'm glad that didn't happen to me."said someone else.
While they discussed their feelings and thoughts about the issue at hand, I had begun to swim. Wave after wave crashing and slowing me, but I kept fighting. As I labored against the waves by myself I imagined a motor boat trolling beside me, filled with my most favorite people in the whole world, some who have passed and some who are still alive. I could see their joyous faces smiling as they cheered me on. They yelled encouragements and chanted victory songs that pushed me and gave me strength to keep going. I could hear uproarious laughter in between their shouts. They were having the time of their lives because they knew I was going to be okay. But even more than that, they knew I was going to be exceedingly better than okay. I took their songs and cheers as encouragements for the present dilemma, because that's what they were. But really, all of it was praise to God for what's to come. They could see what was ahead and they knew it was good.
I began swimming faster with more encouragement than ever before in my life. And as I pressed forward faster and faster my thoughts slowly drifted back to the water. All of the sudden I was made aware that the water was calm, almost completely still and the skies were no longer bleak but a wide open country sky blue. I stopped and looked around full circle. I found that the once vast and insurmountable distance of lake was far smaller than previously perceived. I felt hopeful, optimistic, and not alone. I noticed that I was swimming to a new shore, one I had not been familiar with before. I was swimming away from all that I once new and enjoyed. It wasn't me anymore, it wasn't what I had hoped it would be.
I'll make it.
My family will make it.
But we're not just going to make it to the finish we're going to conquer and win!
Love,
Sar'
I was surprised to slowly see myself appear in the middle of this vast and deep lake. The waters were rocky and difficult to stay afloat in. The sky was gray and unfriendly with looming storm clouds. I couldn't see land or anything save for the sky and the immediate crashing waves.
I thought to myself, as I imagined where I was, "Why hasn't anyone come to rescue me yet? Doesn't anyone know I'm out here, that I need help? How am I supposed to make it? "
The above was my response to what was asked of me. I wrote it down and once I reached the end, I realized that there was more. So I closed my eyes again and let it all unfold.
I was alone in the water knowing no one was on their way to rescue me. Somehow I knew that people were aware that I was out in dangerous waters, but they would not come. As I fought to stay afloat they sat in their homes pondering how I was doing. From one, "Well, I hope she makes it alright." From another, "I wish I could help." "I'm glad that didn't happen to me."said someone else.
While they discussed their feelings and thoughts about the issue at hand, I had begun to swim. Wave after wave crashing and slowing me, but I kept fighting. As I labored against the waves by myself I imagined a motor boat trolling beside me, filled with my most favorite people in the whole world, some who have passed and some who are still alive. I could see their joyous faces smiling as they cheered me on. They yelled encouragements and chanted victory songs that pushed me and gave me strength to keep going. I could hear uproarious laughter in between their shouts. They were having the time of their lives because they knew I was going to be okay. But even more than that, they knew I was going to be exceedingly better than okay. I took their songs and cheers as encouragements for the present dilemma, because that's what they were. But really, all of it was praise to God for what's to come. They could see what was ahead and they knew it was good.
I began swimming faster with more encouragement than ever before in my life. And as I pressed forward faster and faster my thoughts slowly drifted back to the water. All of the sudden I was made aware that the water was calm, almost completely still and the skies were no longer bleak but a wide open country sky blue. I stopped and looked around full circle. I found that the once vast and insurmountable distance of lake was far smaller than previously perceived. I felt hopeful, optimistic, and not alone. I noticed that I was swimming to a new shore, one I had not been familiar with before. I was swimming away from all that I once new and enjoyed. It wasn't me anymore, it wasn't what I had hoped it would be.
I'll make it.
My family will make it.
But we're not just going to make it to the finish we're going to conquer and win!
Love,
Sar'
What a wonderful description! I love it. God has blessed you with a great ability to visualize Sarah - and you are willing to share it. You encourage me greatly. I truly believe that your family will not just Make it, but will conquer and win!
ReplyDeleteThis was so beautiful Sarah! I loved the boat along side you. Wonderful that you opened yourself to that pre-question. I probably would have answered it in a "feeling" sort of way, but you went to a descriptive "place". Very very well written and heart felt. Thanks for sharing this with everyone. It is such and encouragement in our darkness. I now can think of the boat full of people cruising along side of me/us! Wonderful!
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