I Wish I Knew

I'm sitting here contemplating my lethargic state of mind, body, and spirit. I have an opened bottle of wine next to me but no glass. Every once in a while I'll take a drink to see if it's still good. It is as it was five minutes ago.

The options of what discontent me shuffle through the assembly line of possible culprits. Maybe, I'm just depressed or it could be an allergy to milk. Maybe I just don't get enough exercise or I don't take the right supplements. Maybe it's all that sugar I tend to crave, always. Whatever it is, it looms constantly ever holding me back.

The problem lies in the looming aspect of this ever apathetic presence. That is all I can call it and all I know to describe it by. A cloud, of the negative sort, that keeps me from "life to the fullest".

This is not to say that I reside in my room locked away from my house mates and the world as much as I possibly can. On the contrary, I do my best to socialize with them and even more so I am eager to leave the house for adventures. I go on hikes and motorcycle rides with friends and attend random events that sometimes I don't even want to go to. But more often than not, I am glad I do those things. I am at the very least, contented with knowing that I do try.

Even after a successful excursion or a breath taking hike or even making new friends, I end up feeling...

...empty,

...just empty.

Discontented, unsatisfied, and rarely present.

I feel closer to the answer than I ever have before, but still I writhe in a constant struggle to make each day work for me.

I wish I knew the answer.


I would like to tell you that I put the cork back on the bottle however, I guess "they" were too cheap for corks...the cap now dons the nearly full bottle.



Sincerely,
Sarah