Keeping Up

I'm not good at keeping up with things in general. I don't keep up with the latest and greatest electronics, I don't even have a TV.  I don't keep up with my chores, there's always a "good" reason (like coming up with a different and "more important" project to do instead). I'm not one to go above and beyond to put a workout together either, more "good" excuses. I don't keep up with my art projects, unless I'm taking a class (even then I just do the bare minimum). But, don't get me wrong, I do finish things, it just takes me a really long time to get them started and then some more time to keep it going...I'm very creative with my methods of avoidance.

I make myself sick sometimes.

It frustrates me that I know my working habits but don't utilize them to the fullest. I don't like corporate anything, but I wish I would "Just Do It" like stupid corporate Nike says. I know I'm a procrastinator but I also know that I get things done (once they're started). There it is again, why can't I "Just Do It"? What is it inside me that keeps me from keeping up with things? Fear of failure? I should be used to failure by now. Lack of satisfaction with any and all tasks? I think we're getting somewhere now...though it doesn't comfort me.

The fact is, I'm typing out this blog right now in order to neglect a different project all together. I'm not really excited about finishing it. I will, but I don't want to, so I'm dragging my feet so to speak. I sat down to try and process my reasoning behind my lack of interest:

It just so happens that the project I'm "working" on is an oil painting for a class. I'm copying someone else's landscape scene that has a variety of cool colors and soft brush strokes. It was assigned in order for us to practice color matching, proportioning, and technique. It's a nice composition and pleasant to look at. That being said though, something about the project makes me want to hurl. Maybe it's because I feel I'm above the project (I struggle with a big head sometimes, just being honest for humility's sake) or it could be that I hate the idea of copying someone else's craft. It might also be that I've never worked with oils before and that the strategic process of color layout is too daunting so I just slap the appropriate colors down as I see fit and this method gets me into tight spots sometimes (and by "tight spots", I mean it looks bad, at least to my standards). It may also be that I'm completely unsatisfied with my lack of instruction in class (even if it is community college, I expect world class education dang it!)


Hmm. Well, now you and I know why I don't even want to look at that painting project let alone work on it. I'm not being taught well enough, I'm plagiarizing, I'm indifferent about oils, and also, somehow, I still feel above the project. What gives?! Am I stuck up or what?!

Well, I better start painting...or doing laundry or cleaning my room or making dinner. You know how it goes.